= ok

this summer is not what I imagined in winter wanting to get to it.  the image was of the last time I had a rhythm working on the book.  the time before the last time I had a rhythm working on a book I now remember clinging to when I wanted to get back there.  but things change and now what if waking up and moving like zombie to desk is not the way to work on the book, plus what if what I’m going thru in my personal life that is destroying (rephrase, changing) my concentration is (and clearly it is) going to change (rephrase, make evolve?) my understanding of my material and my relation to it.  now and then thru the days I feel a glimpse of what it could be like, now, in the book, but it’s like a shade opening and closing quickly.  sometimes I’d dive in there as fast as possible and lock myself in as best as possible to get it on the page but I’m trying to be okay for now letting the glimpses come and go, trying to trust that a sensibility and method with stick by the time things settle in my life enough that my material can stop splashing all over.  instead of controlling the metaphors on in this post i should really let them never coalesce or repeat in order to demonstrate what’s going on here.  summary:  a) life changing book = ok b) work habits not as anticipated b/c of past = ok

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