I would much rather read about Bobby Fischer than work on this part of the book that tells aspects of my family history. I am sort of but not entirely convinced that the history is integral to the novel. A lot of fiction writers, including me in my past, don’t want to use their personal history because it feels unimaginative, and you don’t want to get mixed up with fiction writers who are one step away from being memoir writers because you don’t think of yourself like that. My justification is that my past and the stories from my past shape my way of thinking, and there’s a falseness of making something up just to replace something that’s already there and is a good story with excellent implication tendrils. And if the novel is about a wholeness of world view, one version of its embodiment is me in my current, if ever-moving state.
Oh, but I don’t want to shape this narrative and I don’t think it’s very good just barfed up as it is currently. Am I lazy or am I savvy if I let it sit until I want to work on it. In my last novel, I put off writing the most plotted chapter– just didn’t want to write it and didn’t want to write it and when I finally did, it was the most fun and probably the best part of the book. I was putting it off b/c I knew it had to be in scene and writing in scene can be really tedious, especially to get started on. It can be delicious, but it really requires slowing down and panning so you have to be really into it to do it. Maybe this means I have to move into being in scene somehow within this retelling of a fragmented history. I may have to move in and out a lot, and that’s always hard.