narrrrrrrator

tried michelle cliff again.  I’m always interested in a 3rd person that’s a masked first, but there’s a arch knowingness to her tone that bugs me, I think b/c I don’t like it in myself when I feel it coming out, a kind of defensiveness.  then went back to the lurhmann and spent 2o minutes tracking down an electronic buzz.  finally discovered it was a cordless landline charger.  there are a lot of electronic things in my book, clunky ones, and this seems of note.  it was so great to isolate the noise and disconnect it.  i was afraid it was going to be a utility pole noise out of my control.  also went through some notes i gathered– clipped paragraphs, actually, from the community at Icarus, that is people with various levels of mental illness discussing with each other their experiences.  it was scary to read as much as I did when I did it, but going back to it now at least for a bit was comforting in a way.  I am thinking of ways to collage it in without being disrespectful.  thinking of the middle (4th?) book in the bolano with the mosaic of killings as a formal parallel.

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