I am supposed to write something for a writing professor of mine who is turning eighty so I decided to read two articles he gave me that I never read.  One is Heidegger on technology.  It’s like 25 pages and I have had it in my pile of “stuff to read” for 20 years, the same xerox he gave me in 1992.  I found the first page compelling and the last page compelling and wanted to shoot myself in the stomach all through the middle for seemingly refusing to choose a language to let me in on the complexities of the intro and conclusion.  Why don’t I, too, get to know what the fuck you’re talking about?  it’s not just a matter of vocabulary.  It’s buying into an entire imaginary landscape with its own maps that you had to have a magic key and drink a magic potion fifty years ago and let it simmer in order to get a ticket to the the party that might or might not actually be important let alone cool.  I mean vice versa.  How can these writings be so obscure and yet so influential?  How do they do their trickle down thing?  Or trickle down isn’t the point they just hover like a film on a pond and color the sky for fishies?  I refuse to age into being a writer who is dismissive of theory and philosophy that I don’t understand.  But if the ideas are beautiful I want access to them, and I am a person who loves and believes in language, and I am not stupid, and I am not uncaring, I really am not, so why am I so angry when so much space is taken up with word invention, and transferring words from one language into another, instead of embracing that change, and using the tools that the language at hand actually provides– like not just vocabulary but metaphor– making up new shit because your idea is so special?  I am exhausted after reading for five hours and I don’t feel like anything good for me or anyone else happened.  My stomach aches.  That dude shot me in the stomach.  The calling forth of the becoming that challenges man and his reality stasis my ass.  I am not proud of this blog entry.  I feel like I’m copping out of something and I don’t know what it is.  So now I’m going to read the other one dammit.

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