The game got me thinking about my apocalypse project again. I put the game piece into the apocalypse project, and it made me think of ways to make a few of the apocalypses better. I do like the idea of the hundred apocalypses, and when I read the little pieces I like almost all of them, or I like most of them each time I go through, but not all of them, and then not the same ones as last time I went through. Sometimes when I read the book of them, I’m convinced, but I’m not always convinced, and I’m not always convinced for very long. I can’t tell if it’s the pieces together or what. The project is like a bouquet of blinking lights. I don’t know if I’m waiting for the lights to settle into a pattern or or come on all the way or what. I have a friend with energy-saving fluorescents in bathrooms with no windows. It’s dark, so you really have to turn them on if it’s not your bathroom and you don’t know where anything is, and they flicker for at least eighteen seconds. I haven’t counted enough times to know if it even takes the same amount of time for them to finally be on each time. It’s upsetting.
Now that I finished Mrs. Dalloway and Hangsaman and Hunger I am trying to read Paul Schreber again, along with a history of a Toronto asylum from patients’ perspectives that took me six months to get from the library. Schreber says things like “I will return to this point later,” and who knows if he ever will. Also, the books I tried to send my grown up student in prison got returned because I forgot to have them sent directly from a bookstore, so for now I’m sending him stuff printed off the internet and reading the Obleks myself.