put in book a line about squirrel hair paintbrushes being called that b/c they used to be that– it’s an innocuous detail that for me is haunted simply b/c of all things I remember it and where it comes from. so I put it in the book where I needed something– as if it would carry its feelings from my life into the book, though of course I know it won’t and don’t expect it to– been trying a little to understand the worth of planting it there regardless– am I letting it go or keeping it–

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