this novel, I am thinking, has spent over 200 pages articulating problems, and that suggests that the ending should– what? there is no figuring out so what is there– a shift in experience– what else– what– something like protag. has been at a layer behind and outside what is something like the cultural tide– and what would it be like to be swept in it for a few pages– how can I write that– I can actually picture it visually, but it’s not words yet.

(also, next day, am realizing that this is a book that imagines my life if I did not have writing.)

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