cutting

I may be in the process of cutting from the endless novel draft the last of the sentences I wrote at Yaddo however many years ago.

Luckily when I really try to remember what I wrote there I don’t think that is actually about to happen– I will be cutting the part of what I wrote that got me going a Yaddo.

But it is an emblematic thought b/c my real fear is cutting the whole novel except for a few things I can in desperation manipulate into short stories and then all of Rome will be gone from the page, as well. Then I will write a new novel.

I am trying to recall in a helpful way Maggie N’s attitude about stuff like the (boring) anxiety of not knowing enough and the (frustrating/annoying) pressure from the larger culture to care about things you don’t care about (in her case it was being asked about Caitlyn Jenner all the time, for instance). Shamelessness, guiltlessness– shame is the language of a kind of pop psych that seems wrong to me except for that PH Harvey song, and guilt is the language of NPR. They are indulgent distractions from doing good work.

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