thinking my book is self-indulgent just me working my stuff out.  think I should just win a grant and then ditch it and start something clean and in a mode I don’t have any fights with.  then I can write something that maybe will help me fix the book later, that is a current fantasy.  parallel fantasy is that it could just be my version of the writer-narrative that has the writer have to ditch a book along the way, years of work and so on.  then I also think of formal constructs that I imagine will fix everything– or shape everything into something I can fix.  I think “I’ll just take out the stuff that made me want to write it — the rest of it might be good–”

meanwhile, I did think of another offensive cartoon that almost but doesn’t quite work.  its the dog park,  there is a dog park lady there- – the kind in “gear” like all title nine clothes, or yoga pants with a puffy jacket in “raspberry.”  Attached to her leash is a destitute person and she’s scolding it:  “stop begging.”


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