Yesterday: went for my annual check-up (learned a little about estrogen, soy, and the pros and cons of several vaccinations); my doctor gets prettier every year; and then I applied for a grant, which I think has as much and as little to do with art as going for my annual check-up.
Today: Well, until today I’ve been writing this book sentence by sentence, collage-style. I have sometimes spent a day collecting phrases from a book or the internet to put together into a sentence about something I don’t know anything about, and then spent another day finding a good place to put the sentence. Today for the first time in this book I actually wrote forward for several pages– crappily forward. That is a very difficult thing for me to do, to write a bunch of gross things in order to record some events when I have no idea what the lines should sound like or feel like. But every so once in a while when I do something I tell students to do something comes of it. Looking back at the morning’s work, I think some of the phrases in there hit on a good sound for the rest of that section to follow in revision. I have been stuck on this idea that I should have all my chapters almost exactly the same size and wc (Just under 7k/20pgs). A week or so ago I was struggling so much with this chapter that I thought, oh, maybe it’ll just be a shorter chapter, or maybe there’ll be a spacebreak in this chapter, even though there hasn’t been one yet, I could just do that. But once I decided to make myself write crappily, it turns out that I think when I go back and write this part as it should be written, it will actually end up the size and shape I initially wanted. I’m not saying magic, but I am saying like magic, because my mind is rigid or stubborn, wanting things to go the way it’s been wanting them to go.