evaluating

reading for a high end contest is a lot easier than reading for admissions or lower end contest. if something’s not really good you just ditch it. very good for my confidence. this must be why people resist nuance.

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internet

I was just thinking about how important it was to have teachers insist that I trust my reader and that I picture my reader as just as smart as me, and open, and listening, and how hard that was and is to calibrate, as well as essential, and how much more difficult with the internet creating tidal waves of evidence of dumbasses. Beware the tidal wave of evidence of dumbasses delivered by algorithm, the opposite of art, which is not for them.

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gladman

reading Calamities, which feels like “finally.” a) reading it thru the day by reading one or 2 essays and then doing something finite in the house like clearing off the dresser top of my folded clothes, pretending that I am moving through the day in the spirit of a book that starts each inquiry, alway in some way about narrative, with ‘I began the day” which is hilarious, like I was just reading a fb post about complaints people have about student fiction, lists of “never”s they want and one is the not-news one about starting a story with waking up/beginning the day (which I do in my novel in order I hope to suggest something about that, that both mines and undermines narrative practice/cliche and its effects on the world). b) thinking about the feeling of reading this and thinking ‘that’s just the way I am right now with MY novel I can’t get to crawl forward to me’ and then about all the things I’m reading for the important prize thing I’m reading for and how many entries are being written with the bald bland sole-seeming purpose of soliciting that feeling from readers and my actual response is that I recognize those feelings only from reading and watching a lot of narratives, and these pieces are reflecting not human experience but the construction of the most-clicked-upon-thumbs-up version of reflections of human experience that puts the generic at the top of the feed– and real reflections of experience are probably more like the ones no one would click upon b/c that shit is private– not shameful, not unpopular, not even simply a small percentage of people or moments in life– but both accessing it in reading and knowing it in yourself is so specific that it is not recognizable in a way that can be proclaimed. (last section of that sentence got lost– not sure if that’s where I want to have gone, but my time is up with this break from reading and now I have to begin another day.)

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awkward

thinking about low-end reality tv stakes– how feeling “awkward” is the worst thing that you can have happen to you and you will do anything to avoid feeling it yet the whole experience of watching is to negotiate the feeling of awkwardness for myself and those people-things I’m watching. now with the role of satire in national politics, for example spicer in the bushes — I am struggling to think through what kind of effect immersing oneself (ick) in the contortions of humiliation has on discourse. how many forms in which it is invoked. liberals’ concern for how we ‘look’ to other countries, etc. how much of the histories of oppressions manifest socially by humiliating people.

anyhow, I would like to write a story about awkwardness.

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cup of tea

like what is everyone’s?

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free speculative

Fiction: everyone must vote. You can vote “none of the above” but mandatory voting. Go.

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more wisdom from the bachelor

How the worst possible thing that can happen in that parable-land of american culture is: awkward. How things feeling awkward = abort abort abort. How much effort into reducing possible awkward. How horribly this maps onto our real life culture problems. In education, in internet culture, in divided, isolated communities.

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two bullet points

  • I really wish that every non-right-wing or bible newspaper would have a regular column reporting the reporting that so much of the country receives as news.
  • I am really worried b/c I have a piece coming out in Harpers derived from things people sent to me anonymously for the project (tried to be super careful about it) and now that I sent them news that it’s coming out I haven’t heard a peep from them. I realize that I hoped it would mean a lot to people but maybe it doesn’t if your name’s not on it? I worry especially about the students who participated. The piece means a lot to me, the process meant a lot to me. Maybe they are all so busy making national news protesting the astonishing asshole campus guests that this is just not on their radar. That would be okay I guess. Winky emoticon.
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election

just wondering if the way that pop-country-white-man singers seem to win “the voice” all the time tells us anything about the current electorate.

keep thinking of other things to write besides my book.

 

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post election apoc

It took me this long to deactivate facebook. that is all I am saying about my own small idiocy right now.

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